Microsoft Unveils the Xbox Deuce [April Fools]

Microsoft Unveils the Xbox Deuce [April Fools]

The console giant drops number two

A.J. Maciejewski

Written by for April Fools on

Ever since the original Xbox, Microsoft has dominated cutting-edge technology to bring gamers top-of-the-line experiences. Today, they announced their long-awaited follow-up to the Xbox One so let's take a look at what this new piece of hardware is capable of.

Xbox One photo
Xbox One (Microsoft's current generation console)

Size matters

Each iteration of the Xbox has been rather physically large compared to its competitors. Microsoft understands this so with the Xbox Deuce, they're going the extra mile to improve this aspect. Featuring the latest advancements in wood panelling, the Xbox Deuce will be twice the size of the current generation machine. "We heard gamers' concerns with the size of our consoles and I knew we could do better so the Xbox Deuce will weigh approximately 17.5 pounds (8 kilograms) and be double our current console's dimensions." explains Microsoft chief engineer Fervel Lankman. This is only scratching the surface of the Deuce so let's move on to some of its more unique features. v1d30chumz 3-235-176-80

Say goodbye to blocky power supplies

Another huge step-up for the Xbox Deuce is that it won't use a power supply brick. In fact, it doesn't need to be plugged into an electrical outlet at all. Instead, it will run on the new Xbox Motr; a gasoline-powered engine. Microsoft spokesperson Terry Twillstein explains: "Considering our power supplies have been somewhat of a nuisance in the past, we've decided to remove the need for electricity altogether. So, we created the Xbox Motr which is an impressively efficient power source for the Xbox Deuce. To use it, gamers merely top it off with fuel then pull the handy ripcord in order to provide power to the console. On a full tank, the average gamer can enjoy up to 40 minutes of mostly uninterrupted gameplay. Hopefully, by launch day, we can get this number up to 45 or possibly 50 minutes. Of course, gamers will have to play in a well-ventilated room which is a minor inconvenience when you consider the energy savings. Alternately, there will be an option to purchase a ventilation mask that comes with a free set of Master Chief stickers."

Xbox Motr photo
A prototype for the new power source: the Xbox Motr

Free Xbox Live Gold

Of course, gamers don't like paying for services that they feel should be free. Thankfully, the Xbox Deuce will grant players unlimited access to all Xbox Live Gold features as long as they have the new NSA-approved Kinect plugged in.

Fine-tuned operating system

Microsoft takes pride in their user-friendly operating systems and the Xbox Deuce will feature their most accessible yet. Lead UI designer Kedzie Matthews explains: "Upon booting up the Xbox Deuce, users can access the main menu simply by stating the command 'Main Menu' into the newly retooled Kinect. After a brief 15 second ad, they can browse their library of games via three-dimensional dodecahedrons that feature a different game on each side. Exploring a dodecahedron is easily accomplished by reaching your hand out, grasping, then moving it to rotate. To select a game, simply raise the other hand and hold up your ring finger. Another convenience is that if you hold up your index finger at any time, the console will immediately enter rest mode to conserve gasoline."

Xbox Deuce logo
Current logo for the Xbox Deuce

There you have it; almost a month after Nintendo launched their much-celebrated Switch, Microsoft follows up with a solid Deuce. If you're looking forward to trying out this cutting-edge console, please leave a comment below. Also, don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter and subscribe to our YouTube channel for further announcements about the Xbox Deuce.

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